Graham's True Stories
Enjoy a collection of humorous, insightful, and sometimes bizarre true stories from the world of antique sewing machine collecting, as told by Graham Forsdyke.
- True Story Number 1 -- Little Betty
- He needed a present for his little sister ...
- True Story Number 2 -- Martha
- "Oh, no," he replied, "... we're an antiques shop ..."
- True Story Number 3 -- The Idiot
- I always try to set up a little rapport with the vendor ...
- True Story Number 4 -- The True Collector
- He'd obviously not washed or shaved for days ...
- True Story Number 5 -- The People's Republic
- ... we were nearly knocked off our feet by three pit-bull terriers making an escape bid ...
- True Story Number 6 -- Coming to Visit
- ... and then he collapsed completely ...
- True Story Number 7 -- Queen Bess
- Maybe it was worth breakfast, after all ...
- True Story Number 8 -- Joe
- ... the memory of a love story that failed to bloom until an old man died ...
- True Story Number 9 -- 911
- ... My friend's husband had to display her, in one piece and not bleeding ...
- True Story Number 10 -- 800 Pound Sewing Machine
- A deal is a deal ... but he's still not getting that motorcycle!
- True Story Number 11 -- The Wake
- ... the relatives were sharing out the estate under the watchful eye of the recently departed ...
- True Story Number 12 -- The Phonograph Horn
- I don't suppose you've got any phonograph horns?
- True Story Number 13 -- The Honour of an Irishman
- I like to think of him flinching a little every time he walks past the Lion ...
- True Story Number 14 -- The Forgotten
- I hang my head in shame ... we had completely forgotten about the deal ...
- True Story Number 15 -- The Plan
- My friend and I walked away and over a cup of tea (much tea is drunk at such affairs) evolved THE PLAN...
- True Story Number 16 -- The Ring
- "Just how many cameras can the police have?"
- True Story Number 17 -- The Holdup, or The Story of ISMACS Member Number 375
- "You can't hold up a plane with an 1886 Moldacot Sewing Machine ... Can you?"
- True Story Number 18 -- A Real American Gentleman
- So, there I was, no driving license and unable to hire a car.
- True Story Number 20 -- The Rat
- "Maggie has a dog...I call it 'The Rat'."
- True Story Number 21 -- The Queen
- I'm wondering if, during your strolls around the Kremlin...
- True Story Number 22 -- The Motel
- ...it's probably how everyone always leaves that sort of motel...
- True Story Number 23 -- Don't Cheat on the Revenue
- Let me tell you about Charlie, his wife Ann, their dog Butcher and Harry the builder...
- True Story Number 24 -- How to Make Tea
- Please Mr and Mrs America, please learn how to make a cup of tea.
- True Story Number 25 -- The Baseball Cap
- I got halfway through showering and realised that I'd still got my cap on...
- True Story Number 26 -- A Better Man
- You might have had more luck with a six-pound fruit cake...
- True Story Number 28 -- Pancho
- Their wheel change would be the envy of any Indianapolis pit crew.
- True Story Number 29 -- The Harridan
- My friend here has just made me a present of this here sewing machine and if I chose to give it back to him in London, well I don't quite see what the hell you can do about it!
- True Story Number 30 -- The Dutch Tourist
- A Dutch Tourist causes Maggie to reach her breaking point.
- True Story Number 31 -- Hot Lover
- ... when a German collector arrived with his new girlfriend from Poland, I anticipated trouble.
- True Story Number 32 -- Sparrows
- Eye of toad, ear of crocodile, she'll go for practically anything.
- True Story Number 33 -- Old Charlie
- You see, Jean was perfectly happy until someone told her she shouldn't be.
- True Story Number 34 -- Joe
- Did ever a woman have a man who helped her so much? What did I do to deserve a love like his?
- True Story Number 35 -- Bride of the Desert
- Sitting at a roadside cafe with Hookahs and teapot bubbling we got a little deeper into the sex business.
- True Story Number 36 -- Maggie
- "Oh, Maggie? I traded her for two sheep and a goat."